How to Survive Motherhood Abroad

Becoming a mother is hard enough in itself and represents a major life change for all women, although it's extremely rewarding. But becoming a mother when you live abroad, or just too far away from your family and friends, is a whole different story. When you're navigating motherhood overseas while dealing with homesickness, the challenges can feel overwhelming.

When I moved abroad, my life changed. Then when I was pregnant, I knew my life was about to change too, but I had NO IDEA how much.

The first sign of my life changing drastically was through something my sister-in-law said. I remember now and it is quite funny. I was pregnant and she gifted us some new baby bouncers (by the way, I'm so lucky to know about them through her because many mums have no idea this awesome product exists! More about this later). After she brought them, she told me: "Hey, these will come in handy when you have to shower."

My first thought when I heard this was "WHAT?!" I was shocked to hear that taking a shower after having a baby was going to be an issue. But I pushed that fear to the back of my mind for the rest of the pregnancy.

Then my son was born, and I was 37 years old. As a late comer to motherhood, after living a very free life of partying, traveling and doing whatever I wanted as a freelance designer, I discovered having a child was definitely a HUGE change.

Moving from a very large city to a small town made me isolate at first. I had fallen in love at 35, feeling it was my last chance to form a family, and moved over 3000 miles away from everything I knew. The appeal of entering a different culture that I always admired from afar seemed fun. But it turns out, it threw me into severe grieving and homesickness that I hadn't anticipated.

When my first child was born, I was lucky enough to have my mother, my father, and my grandmother come over for a month to my home in the US to help me out. And most of all, I was lucky to have the kind of mum, dad and grandma that take over the house! They cooked, they cleaned, they took care of me, they helped with my baby... they did everything!

But even then, I knew there was a tough path ahead, because they would only be there to do this for a few weeks. After that, I was on my own. I no longer had someone to take care of the house. I could barely even take a shower when my husband was working (yes, my sister-in-law was right. Those baby bouncers were life savers. Best gift you could give a mum, by the way).

I started discovering how fortunate those women who have their family near, especially their mums and close friends, truly are.

Believe me, the list of people you can trust your newborn child to is incredibly small.

And as a first-time mother, all you can think about is your baby's safety and care. You're tired, you barely sleep, really don't know what you're doing because you are learning to be a mum by yourself, and you're worried sick. The added challenge as an expat mother is the lack of familiar support to overcome this situation.

It's even worse when nobody around you can understand what you're going through, except for other mothers in your situation. And there are so few usually in a community. Your mother-in-law, no matter how nice she is, will never be like, nor help as much as your own mum either (unless you're REALLY lucky).

Not even your new local friends, compared to your friends from your hometown who you've known for years, will provide the comfort and validation you need.

So, what does one do to overcome this difficult situation? In my case, I slowly discovered to focus on the following strategies to survive motherhood abroad while managing homesickness:

Don't forget about yourself. Yes, your baby is the most important thing in your mind right now, but remember, like they say on airplanes, you have to put your mask on first to take care of another (your baby). What I did was enjoy every single moment through positive thinking.

When I showered, with my baby on the bouncer right outside the shower curtains, I played relaxing music and meditated with the water pouring over me. Even though I had to take very quick showers, I tried not to stress or get tense about it. Just enjoy that tiny moment. When I came out, I would just see my baby's smile and that alone filled my day with joy.

All of us have ways in which we self-soothe. Think about what things or activities help you relax or feel better in times of stress or depression. For me, it is watching movies, reading, taking a long steam bath, running, and enjoying the sun outside.

Make sure those coping mechanisms are healthy though... drinking, smoking and other addictions are NOT a good way to cope and will only make you feel worse.

And don't feel bad if you must cry some days. You will feel better.

The baby vibrating bouncers, the baby monitors, whatever you can get a hold of to help and give you some rest, me-time and peace of mind, is a must. I never considered myself a gadget mum, but these little technological advantages definitely helped me a lot.

Plus there are so many more little gadgets available nowadays that I wish I had back then. And no, they don't replace motherhood nor your arms. I am a firm believer of attached parenting, yet I will never shame a mum who uses a bouncer to take a break!

Click on each image below to see my favorite baby bouncer and baby monitor!

Also, our newer generations are very lucky because we are able to stay in touch through technology.

When my mother moved to England with us as children, she only had snail mail to communicate with her family and friends. She would hear from them once a month at most, and sometimes do phone calls but they were so expensive I rarely remember her calling.

Check out my favorite baby gadgets!

So your mum has left after helping out with your newborn, or she just couldn't come (OMG my deepest respect and admiration to you if this is your case). Well, don't forget to Skype or Facetime, and try to do it every day if possible.

Now we have Facetime, Facebook, Skype, Whatsapp... so many options. Take advantage of them. And don't let anybody shame you for using them or calling every day. Sadly I was shamed for my use of social media to stay in touch, but I ignored the comments and staying in touch still keeps me afloat and most of all keeps my relationships from afar alive.

However, learn to take breaks too. Sometimes, those people you miss are not aware that their photos at the beach or the images of their delicious dishes from your country make you feel sad.

When that happened to me, I took a break and did something else. Don't be angry at them. They truly don't know those images hurt sometimes. Also, it is important to take breaks so that you're not isolating yourself from your new life.

Yes, sounds cliché, AND impossible, especially with a newborn. So don't rush it. Especially if you've had a C-Section. When my daughter was born through an emergency C-Section, it took me forever to recover. So I took it easy.

I started going to the gym track with her on a stroller to get rid of the cabin fever. Best idea ever. The chemistry in your body changes when you exercise, you get out of the house, you get fit, and you feel so much better!

Soon enough, I was running with the stroller. Some mums take advantage of the gym's childcare services. I did after my children turned 1, but for those like me who have a hard time letting go of your kiddo, you can still walk to get a workout with your child in a stroller.

Check out my favorite strollers here.

Moving from a very large city to a small town made me want to isolate at first. I felt I had visited everything there was to visit in this small town of South Dakota. I would sit in my car, super bored, wondering where to go or what to do.

But I suggest you still explore. Go out and grab a coffee and read a book. Get a gym membership and you'll meet new people. Check the local newspaper or magazine for activities you might be interested in.

Check out my favorite life-transforming and inspirational books!

Believe it or not, loading up on carbs and eating junk food makes you feel like crap. You've heard it before, but it is absolutely true. And if you're breastfeeding, it's also not very good for your baby!

When I had my second child, my daughter, I just couldn't shake off the weight and I had gained about 50lbs (25kg) that didn't come off at all after she was born.

I returned to what I thought was my healthy diet that helped me lose the baby weight gain when my son was born, but this time it wasn't working. I gave up for a bit and just overloaded on chocolates, and this made me feel awful.

So, in desperation, I reached out to my OBGYN, who recommended a baby-safe diet/lifestyle change. My energy levels soared, and I was back in shape faster than I ever imagined, and have since kept off the weight.

Watch my video about how I lost the post-partum weight.

Remember what your old life at home was like. What did you do every day? Is there a way you can build your current routine similarly in your new location?

I discovered by accident that this made me feel really good and helped me adapt to my new environment, to the point of overcoming homesickness almost completely. The reason this works is because you set ROOTS. Mimicking your routine makes you become grounded; it helps you settle down and get comfortable again.

Sometimes, one has to surrender and realize one of the following: You must reach out for help, or consider if staying is right for you. Don't be afraid to ask for professional help and tell others how you feel. Also, don't be afraid to say "I can't do this" and evaluate your options.

What is holding you back? Are you afraid you'll be criticized for giving up? Does that make you a "loser"? NOT AT ALL. If there is nothing major holding you back, it is COMPLETELY OK to reassess your situation.

But don't just quit without giving it a shot... but if a year goes by and you're still miserable, and there's nothing really worth staying for, then it's ok to reconsider.

I was too afraid of what others would say if I quit. Now I see I shouldn't have been.

But in my particular case, I now have 2 beautiful children that make my life bright and I have finally grown roots where I am. So, God had a plan for me. But don't forget we all have free will, and you can choose to be happy.

Yes, you're a good mum. Even if you break down and cry while going to the toilet, read Facebook while breastfeeding, and feel like nothing you do is perfect. It is okay. You will be okay.

And don't be afraid to reach out to others, even a therapist, if you need help. I did. And I turned out to be a pretty awesome mother, in spite of everything I suffered as an expat mum, far away from those I love.

Remember you are going through a process. Yes, a grieving process. Change, no matter how good, is tough. So take the necessary steps to feel better and find your ground, so one day you can wake up and like your current life more than your past life. I never thought that day would come. Yet here I am, and it is true.

You are stronger than you think. One day you will look back, see that you did everything pretty much alone, and feel proud of what a wonderful job you did, no matter what anybody says. They have no idea what you've been through, and many will criticize you when you're down. But they can only WISH they were as strong as YOU. BRAVO mama.

Is my life perfect? No. Do I miss things and people still? Yes, especially the wonderful weather and food from where I come from. But I can always go back to visit and enjoy it for a while, and come back to my new life and routine, where I feel safe again.

To continue learning about expat motherhood and overcoming homesickness abroad:

Being an expat mother is one of life's greatest challenges, but also one of its most rewarding experiences. You're not just raising a child; you're building resilience, creating a global perspective, and showing incredible strength every single day. The homesickness will fade, the routines will become natural, and you'll discover a version of yourself you never knew existed.

The journey isn't easy, but every tear, every sleepless night, and every moment of doubt is building something beautiful. You're creating a life that spans cultures, languages, and continents.

That's not just surviving motherhood abroad. That's thriving in ways most people never will.

Remember, you chose this path for a reason. Trust that reason, trust yourself, and know that thousands of expat mothers around the world are cheering you on. You've got this, mama.